Monday, November 24, 2008

Career (Mis)Management Monday

I've been thinking about time a lot lately. The irony is that now that I am paid to write, I never have time to write. I don't have time to write my blog, or short stories, essays or get back to work on those novels. Don't get me wrong, I am GRATEFUL that someone is paying me to sit in my dining room while my littlest runs to the potty every five minutes (before I couldn't get her on the thing, now I can't get her off it).

All this gets me thinking about balance. How do you balance it all? This past Friday littlest fell asleep on the couch while I pecked away at the laptop. She stirred a little after 45 minutes and I went to sit on the couch and hug her as she woke up. Except she wasn't waking up, just snuggling up for more of a nap in mom's lap. As she fell back to sleep, my mind ran through all the millions of things I could be doing while she sleeps: working, updating my blog, loading the dishwasher, folding the laundry.

Her head laid in my lap and her fingers were curled around my wrist and for the first time in a long time I just looked. I looked at those still tiny little fingers and I didn't think about whether her nails needed to be trimmed. Her feet flexed in her sleep and I watched those little jellybean toes as they curled and uncurled. I pondered those impossibly long eyelashes.

I listened to her breathing and once I got to hear a contented little sigh. I just sat still and I didn't blink. I don't know how to balance it all and there never is enough time. But for a few minutes on a Friday afternoon I stopped the clock.

9 comments:

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

It is always good to stop the clock. Clean houses are not important in the long run. Savor the real moments. The one you wrote about sounds precious.

Rockzee said...

You have your whole life to write, do dishes and laundry. Your daughter will only nap in your lap for a short while. You were right to savor it.

Vodka Mom said...

I'm glad you stopped the damn clock. What I've learned? You can NEVER balance. You wake up, face the day and trod along. It's a fun trod- don't get me wrong, but if I make it through the day, I'm thrilled!

"love the crazy life you have" - that's my mantra.

Vodka Mom said...

i long for the days where my babies laid their heads in my lap. Right now they are just trying to kick my ass. and doing a damn fine job of it.

Jannie said...

I guess just surrender to the current imbalance and maybe more of a balanced feeling might come?

And realize that eventually you'll be more balanced than a Flying Wallenda on a fencepost.

And congrats on the paid writing!!!

susan said...

That's a good moment to savor. Quincy has been sick lately and more willing to cuddle. Normally, if I try to hold him close, he pushes me away. At 4, this has started. I thought maybe I had a few years left.:)
Enjoy the peace for a moment!

only a movie said...

There's nothing better than having a little one on your lap.
Stopping the clock is what we're here for.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I added you to my reader. :-)

IB said...

Hi,

I found your blog through Vodka Mom's. I really like your writing style. Very clean and easy. I need simplicity so, thanks.

IB

http://idiotsstew.blogspot.com

IB said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I find it interesting that you haven't had many "boys" leave comments. I wonder why that is (?). I'll accept that I was first as a sign of my relative emotional maturity.

IB

http://idiotsstew.blogspot.com