Friday, March 27, 2009

Is Happiness a State or a State of Mind?

I don't live in Texas, not really. Yeah, sure my mailing address is Austin, Texas. And I haven't actually left the state of Texas in almost 18 months. Yes, my children go to school here and my husband works here. But really I live in Limbo (and quite happily, I might add).

For the last eighteen months it's been all about questions: When is the house in Connecticut going to sell? What were we thinking moving to Texas? How could we know that we put our house on the market at the beginning of #@$% recession? Should we rent out the house? Should we move back? What's more valuable: a mortgage in Connecticut or a job in Texas?

In the meantime, I've been thriving here in Limbo Land--grew my hair out, love wearing flip-flops year round, on much more stable land brain chemically speaking. Despite the financial burdens, life is simple and relatively stress free. I know, I'm weird.

Except this week has been a whole new limbo, what I like to call Yucky Limbo Land. We have accepted an offer on our house--which I realize should be super good news (remember how weird I am). And it is GOOD NEWS, except that we have to jump through 50 hoops of decreasing size before we get to the finish line. This is the kind of limbo I am very, very bad at. This is the kind of limbo where someone else gets to make all the decision. In my my Limbo, there were no decisions, only possibilities.

Do you see what I am getting at? Have I only been happy here because really it required very little of me? I don't really live here, I just MIGHT live here. And I know that the questions would have eventually worn me out (there have certainly been days like that in the past 18 months), but never having to make a decision was fun. I hate making decisions. I am lousy at making decisions (just ask my husband).

Right now the status in Yucky Limbo Land is that our CT house is undergoing the various inspections and then they will proceed. They will probably ask for us to pay for some repairs. My husband will probably get surly and refuse. The whole deal could fall through. Then I would be back in Limbo. But it wouldn't be the same.


creative kerfuffle said...

ah, i like living in limbo too and HATE making decisions. i totally understand this post, it's like you were playing at living in tx and now it might actually become real and how will that change things? sort of like when you live together before you get married and then you get married and it seems like its a much bigger deal. but, you said you've been happy in tx right? the flip flops and all. hmmm, i can't think of anything wise to say only that i understand where you're coming from : )

Pseudo said...

It does make it real, doesn't it? Take deep breaths and keep going for your runs.

only a movie said...

I know exactly how you are feeling. The concept of limbo (and me liking it) has a lot to do with why I'm not married yet... interesting.

Good luck, B, I hope this evolves the way you would like it to and it's not too uncomfortable.

bejewell said...

Stay in Limbo for as long as you can, and then come live here in Austin for real and I will take you out for drinks and get your drunk and you can feel all Limbo-y again.

Limbo is always just a few empty beer cans away.

bernthis said...

I hate limbo b/c I'm such a control freak and it's nice to live in a limbo that I created b/c it feels like it's all up to me what is next. Congrats though on selling. these days that is a huge accomplishment

Lucy Filet said...

My limbo usually consists of "Where are they going to send us next?" Which used to just put me over the edge, but now I'm fairly happy there. Mainly because I know that it's not up to "them" where I go, only where my husband goes.

I do hope your house sells.